Getting Back to Intimacy

Let’s face it, being a parent is hard work.  Rewarding yes, but that doesn’t make the sleepless nights and constant diligence any less difficult to handle.  Baby responsibilities aside, being a new parent can also be quite stressful on a marriage as well.  Your relationship is never the same after a new baby comes and many couples complain that their marriages suffer after a new baby comes into the picture.  Research even shows that the transition into parenthood is one of the largest stressors on a marriage (Neff 2011) and as such it’s important to have the necessary skills to keep intimacy alive even after a baby enters the scene.  Here are a few tips you can implement into your own marriage to help you and your spouse stay close while trying to adjust to parenthood.

1.      Have an idea about responsibilities even before the baby is born. 

Take the time to talk about who will help with housework, midnight feedings, and meal plans before you’re faced with the issues.  This will lead to a lot less conflict later.   

2.      Understand that parenting styles might be different.

Your partner might not always react to a situation the same way you would, but if they’re trying and what they’re doing seems to be working, don’t intervene.  You need to give each other some credit and trust that you are both competent parents.

3.      Step back and find the root of the problem.

Lack of sleep can make us all a little crazy, so before you snap at your partner for something trivial, try and step back from your anger and figure out what’s really bothering you.  You might just be irritable.  Try to remember that little things really aren’t worth fighting over.

4.      Make time for each other.

Babies might seem like they can take up an entire day but it is so important to still take time out of your day to just be with your partner.  Plan a date night sooner than later.  Even sitting and talking with each other when your baby is finally sleeping will do wonders for your marriage.  Remember that it’s also important to talk about things besides your baby.  You’re allowed to have a life outside of being a parent.

5.      Show affection for each other.

Give each other a quick kiss while passing in the hall, hug each other, and cuddle whenever you can.  Sex can be a big issue at this point but it’s important to be patient with each other and communicate your feelings.  A woman can typically have sex again 6 weeks after delivery but it can still be painful and exhausting.  Take your time with foreplay, and don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t lead to sex.  You’ll get back to a state that feels right and normal for you.

A happy marriage will lead to a happy baby so please don’t underestimate the importance of being there for each other as well as your baby.  The two of you are in this together, so be honest, patient, and communicate as much as possible.  A baby is a wonderful gift, and is a great addition to a family, just don’t forget to make time for each other as well.

-Sophia

Neff, L.A, & Brody, E.F (2011) Stress resilience in early marriage: can practice make perfect? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Vol. 101, 1050-1067.                                                                            

                                                                    

Immunizations and Newborns

It can be hard to decide whether or not you want your baby to get immunizations. I know a few years ago parents were not immunizing their babies because of a research that showed a correlation between autism and immunizations. This research was skewed to show the desired results of the researcher. “There is no evidence that currently recommended vaccines overload or weaken the infant immune system. Infants have an enormous capacity to respond safely and effectively to multiple vaccines” (Gregson & Edelman, 2003). Immunizations are recommended for infants because diseases are far more serious or common among infants.  According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, of the infants under six months of age who get whooping cough, 72% must be hospitalized and about 84% of all deaths from Pertussis are among children younger than 6 months of age (2007).  Not vaccinating your baby can put your baby at risk. Immunizations are safe and effective.

Recommended Immunizations for Babies

At Birth:

·         Hep B

2 Months:

·         HepB

·         DTaP

·         PCV

·         Hib

·         Polio

·         RV

4 Months:

·         DTaP

·         PCV

·         Hib

·         Polio

·         Rv

6 Months:

·         HepB (6-18 months)

·         DTaP

·         PCV

·         Hib

·         Polio (6-18 months)

·         RV

12 Months:

·         MMR (12-15 months)

·         PCV (12-15 months)

·         Hib (12-15 months)

·         Varicella (12-15 months)

·         HepA (12-23 months)

Vaccine Descriptions

I know all of this information can be overwhelming so below a short and simple vaccine description is included.  

HepB: protects against hepatitis B

DTaP: a combined vaccine that protects against diphtheria, tetanus, and pertussis (whooping cough)

Hib: Protects against Haemophilus influenza type b

PCV: protects against pneumococcal disease

Polio: protects against polio, the vaccine is also known as IPV

RV: protects against infections caused by rotavirus

Influenza: protects against influenza (flu)

MMR: protects against measles, mumps, and rubella (German measles)

Varicella: protects against varicella, also known as chickenpox

HepA: protects against hepatitis A

I decided that for my children keeping them up-to-date on vaccinations was essential. I know that not everyone will feel this way and that is okay. I hope you found this basic information helpful. If you have any further questions about immunizations and your baby contact your baby’s pediatrician.

-Liz

Gregson, A., & Edelman, R. (2003). Does antigenic overload exist? the role of multiple immunizations in infants. Immunology and Allergy Clinics of North America, 23(4), 649-664.

Vaccines: Spec-grps/infants/infant immunizations. (2007). Retrieved from http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/spec-grps/infants/infant-child-imz.htm

Gorilla Moms: What They Can Teach Us About Breastfeeding

Gorilla Mothers:

What They Can Teach Us About 

Breastfeeding

 

     

     At the Memphis zoo, a human lactation specialist was hired for one of the female gorillas who had recently given birth (http://www.tmuffin.com/2011/08/lactation-consultant-for-gorilla.html). Zookeepers have learned that gorillas and apes raised in captivity, who have never seen other gorillas nurse their babies, need guidance to succeed at breastfeeding, and that humans can be the ones to teach them how! 
     In her popular book on breastfeeding, Janet Tamaro gives this account:

      “At an Ohio zoo, a female gorilla lived by herself. It's hard to breed gorillas in captivity, but eventually this gorilla was courted, won over, and impregnated by a visiting male. When her baby was born, the gorilla did a terrible thing that mother gorillas do if they haven't been taught a particular skill. She killed her baby.

    “She killed the baby because she didn't know how to feed him. Gorillas will do one of three things after they give birth. Their first choice is to breastfeed. If they don't know how to breastfeed, the gorilla world gives them only two other options: let their offspring starve, or kill them...

      “When this gorilla became pregnant again, her keeper knew she needed help to avoid a repeat performance. Somehow, he had to teach her how to breastfeed her baby...But how?”...He called the La Leche League and each day a nursing mother came to the zoo and fed her baby in front of the gorilla...For days, the gorilla couldn't have been less interested. She fished fleas off her fur, scratched her behind, made faces. But as day after day went by, and new La Leche League mothers showed up with bare breasts and babies, the gorilla got more and more interested. Finally, when it was close to her due date, she had her nose pressed up against the bars of her cage to get a better look.

     "But when her baby was born, she acted like a typical new mother. She'd forgotten all that she'd learned...She still didn't have a clue on how to hold  the baby or how to get it to latch onto her breast. The baby was crying. The gorilla mother was obviously agitated...

      "Her keeper feared for the infant...so he called the La Leche League again...Quickly, the League sent a mother out to the zoo. She stood in front of the bars and attached her baby step by step. She brought her baby's chest to her chest, slowly cradled the baby's head in her left arm, held her breast with her right hand, and tickled the baby's lips with the nipple to get the baby to open his mouth. Then she pulled the open-mouthed baby toward her breast and with one rapid arm motion, got the cooperative baby quickly onto her breast. The gorilla watched, mimicking the moves step by step until, with a nearly audible sigh of relief, the gorilla looked down at her chest and saw her baby feeding happily for the first time. When she had another baby, she didn't need any help from the La Leche League" (Tamaro, 1998, pp 37-38).

   Knowledge is Power! It changes what

we do, how we think, and who we 

are!

   The Science

      An article in the Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and Cultural Psychology, said a survey about great apes in captivity, showed “18% of all maternal infant care failures (i.e., death or human intervention) are the result of flawed or absent nursing” (Abello & Colell, 2006 as qtd by Volk, p 306). 

    
      Evolutionists say it may be that the human need for education is due to a “trade-off between the reliability of innate behaviors and the flexible power of a learning brain”, and that our “heightened intelligence... has greater learning requirements... and an increased reliance on learned behaviors such as maternal nursing” (Volk, 2009, p 306, 309). 

The Social Factor

     Primates and humans are altricial, that is, they are helpless at birth. They require greater parental investment, commitment, communication, and care for a longer period of time. Parents are able to pass on more knowledge and skills, which leads to a greater social support system, thereby increasing their progeny's chances of survival and learning.  This social system became a necessary part of human nature and human civilization as humans became interdependent. Social support is essential to social beings. We need to ask for and accept help and education.

Asking for Help

 

     Parenting, like breastfeeding, is not always easy, especially if you don't have a successful and current role model that can help you as you need it and are ready for it, like the gorilla mother at the Ohio zo. It is important that you reach out and search for answers from those who know. In the case of breastfeeding, lactation specialists are available and can be located through your hospital or pediatrician, or on the internet. It doesn't mean you are inferior or defective that you need to ask for help, it means you are human. As the science and our gorilla mothers have shown, sometimes the trade-off for greater intelligence is a greater need for education. If you are having trouble breastfeeding, or any other parenting issue, seek for help before small problems become big ones. True knowledge can make all the difference.

References

Tamaro, J. (1998). So that's what they're for!. Holbrook, MA: Adams Media Corporation

Volk, A. A. (2009). “Human breastfeeding is not automatic: Why that's so and what it means for    
     human evolution”. Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and Cultural Psychology  
     www.jsecjournal.com - 2009, 3(4), pp. 305-314). Retrieved March 3, 2012 at 
     http://shell.newpaltz.edu/jsec/articles/volume3/issue4/VolkV3I4.pdf

.

Theory of Attachment

Have you ever wondered if you, as a parent, were doing anything of worth to your new born infant?  Do you feel like all you do is nurse, change diapers, and put them to sleep?  What if I told you that by doing these things for your infant not only takes care of their basic needs, but is a model for them in terms of relationships.  What you are doing does count, and it is something that your infants will take with them through the rest of their lives.

Studies have shown that caregivers have an impact on their infant in the first year of the infant’s life through how responsive they are in caring for the infant’s needs.  For example if the infant is hungry, their reaction to show that they are hungry is to cry and once that need is met they will quit crying.  If the need is not met they will continue to cry.   Those caregivers who respond promptly to their infant’s distress calls form, what I call, a positive attachment.  The infant trusts that their needs will be met when they ask for it.  Later in life these children grow up to have positive relationships as well.  They care for others and trust people because their caregivers modeled this for them.  This is the type of attachment that we all should be working on with our infants.  The infant only cries when it has a need to be met whether they need a new diaper, food, holding time, or sleep.  There is an opposite attachment as well which I like to call negative attachment.

A negative attachment is formed when the infant’s needs were met inconsistently enough that the child doesn’t trust or rely on the caregiver for support.  What does it mean to meet the needs of an infant inconsistently?  This means that when the child gave its cues that it was hungry or had a soiled (poopy) diaper and the caregiver didn’t fix the problem right away, so the child was left in their dilemma.  These children became to learn that they couldn’t trust people to get their needs met, so when they were older they had dysfunctional relationships.  They couldn’t trust others and which would lead to broken relationships, these types of people never let their “guard” down because they learned early on in life that people can’t be trusted. 

Some people believe that if they quickly respond to their infant’s needs they are “spoiling” the child.  Let me assure you, your infant in no way can be spoiled if you are respondent to their own cues (crying, sucking, ect.), but it needs to be on the child’s time.  I am hopeful that this information was helpful to you, please let me know if you have any questions.

Crain, W. (2011). Theories of Development (Concepts and Applications) (6 ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.

Chelsey

Choosing a Pediatrician

It is important to choose a pediatrician before your new baby arrives. Finding a pediatrician is not the easiest thing to do. There are several pediatricians to choose from who are all “committed to helping parents raise healthy children with the greatest possible ease, comfort, pleasure, and success” (Shelov & Pediatrics, 2005). Keep in mind that different pediatricians have different approaches so finding the one that fits your family’s needs is essential. A good way of finding out is to visit each pediatrician and determine which one is best for your family.  Preferably this should be done before the baby arrives. A recent study found that babies who see the same doctor for their first six months are up to twice as likely to receive important health tests before they turn 2 (Hunt, 2012).

 Listed below are some helpful tips you can use when you start looking for a pediatrician:

·         Make sure the pediatrician is licensed to practice. If you see the initials FAAP after a pediatrician’s name, it means they have passed the board exam and is a full fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics and they are board certified. These initials can be found on their certificate that is usually posted somewhere in their office.

·         Start by asking other parents you know and trust if they recommend anyone. Your obstetrician can also be someone you turn to for advice. Obstetricians will know local pediatricians that are respected within the medical community. You can also ask for a list of local pediatricians by going to the hospital or visiting the hospitals website.

·         Once you have a list of several pediatricians you wish to consider, contact them and arrange an interview. The front desk staff will be able to answer general questions you may have. Save the more in depth questions for the pediatrician. Here are some questions you can ask:

o   How soon after birth will the pediatrician see your baby?

o   When will your baby’s next exams take place?

o   When is the doctor available? By phone, email?

o   What hospital does the doctor prefer to use?

o   What happens if there is an emergency?

o   Who covers the office when pediatrician is unavailable?

o   How many checkups and immunizations does your baby need?

o   What are the costs of care?

·         After you have completed the interview process decide which pediatrician made you feel comfortable, if you are comfortable with their philosophy, policies, and practice. Most importantly do you feel you can trust them? You should also feel comfortable with the pediatrician’s staff.

I know that finding a pediatrician can be overwhelming. Just remember you are not trying to find the best pediatrician in the world instead you are trying to find a pediatrician that you feel comfortable with and that you trust. I hope that this information will help you when you start to look for your baby’s pediatrician.

-Liz

Hunt, K. (2012). How to select a pediatrician. Retrieved from www.parents.com

Shelov, S. P., & Pediatrics, A. A. O. (2005). Caring for your baby and young child, birth to age 5. (revised ed.). New York: Bantam.

STIMULATION IN THE HOUSEHOLD MAKES FOR BRIGHTER BABIES IN THE FUTURE

The human brain is an amazing thing, and more amazing still, is just how much of our brain development takes place when we can’t even walk yet.  Infancy marks one of the most important times for cognitive development, and research shows that one of the most important things you can do as parents is to create an environment for your child that is both nurturing and stimulating. (Sloan)

During this period of a child’s life massive amounts of connections are being made in the brain and synapses are being formed at a very fast rate.  Synapses are the structures in the brain that allow neurons to pass messages from one cell to the next.  Every action we make is capable only because of this process and infancy marks a “critical period” where the brain does its own type of pruning in a sense.  Synapses are being formed rapidly, but if neural connections aren’t made, then no messages will pass through that synapse and the brain will mark it as useless. (Huttenlocher)  As far as the brain is concerned, “you use it or lose it.”  

Your child takes in the world around them through a combination of sensory and motor experiences and it is important for you to give them as much stimulation as possible because connections that do not get made early enough will be lost forever.  Naturally, with so much going on in that brain it is important for parents to create the best possible environment for their infants to promote the stimulation necessary to fuel their child’s cognitive development. (Sloane)  But how exactly does one go about creating an environment for their child that will be successful and effective?  I have listed here a few easy steps you can take as parents to create a great environment for your children.

1.       Be emotionally and verbally responsive.

Simply talking to your child can do wonders, and even if they might not understand you yet, they are taking in every single thing you do.  Smile at your baby and show an active interest in their emotions and expressions.

2.       Engage in play with your child.

Don’t be afraid to be silly!  Play peek-a-boo, crawl around on the floor, and make funny faces.  Your baby will benefit from it, and so will you.

3.       Encourage your child to explore their environment.

Babies love to get into everything, and it can be very tempting at times to constantly tell them no and pull them away, but simply try to safe-proof the house a little bit, and actually let them explore the environment around them.

4.       Provide a variety of safe and appropriate play materials.

Children learn through their senses and experiences, so providing plenty of materials they can touch and manipulate is a great thing to do.  Anything coming in sets of different colors and sizes is a good option to choose.   Just make sure nothing is too small to avoid a choking hazard. 

5.       Read to your child often.

Infancy is a critical time for the acquisition of language, and all those sounds they hear you making, they’ll start to imitate themselves.  Reading to your child can help with this, and will engage your child’s mind as well.

Babies can be a little intimidating at times, but if you follow these guidelines, your baby will be well on their way to a happy and healthy life.

-Sophie

Hottenlocher, P.R (1984) Elimination and neural plasticity in human cerebral cortex, Threats to optimal development, 27, 39.

Sloan, S. Stewart, M. Dunne, L. (2010) The effect of breastfeeding and stimulation in the home on cognitive development tin one year olds, Child care in practice, 16, 102.

Stay-at-Home Dads

My friend and his wife just recently gave birth to their first child. They both have careers so I wasn’t sure who was going to take care of the baby while they were at work. Would they put the baby in daycare? leave her with a family member or neighbor during the day? or would one of them give of their career to be with her? When asked who was going to take care of the baby, my friend said he was going to quit his job and stay home with her. I was surprised and excited for him.

Not too long after talking to him I came across an interesting article on stay at home dads and the benefits that come from it.  For those who are stay at home dads, know anyone who is, or if you just want to know about the benefits, I thought you might find this information interesting too.  The article, "Stay-at-Home Dads: At-home dads can benefit children and mother" by Patrick Tucker (2005), focuses on studies performed by Robert Frank, a professor of child development at Oakton Community College in Illinois. One of the biggest benefits of stay-at-home dads is the relationship they develop with their child. They are more involved and they become a larger part of their child’s life and a bigger influence, compared to that of a father from a traditional home (one where the father is employed outside the home and the mother stays at home). Furthermore, not only do the children have a stronger relationship with their father but they are still able to have a strong relationship with their mother. Mothers are more involved with their children when they arrive home from work, which creates a strong influence and bond. In contrast, studies show fathers that work outside the home are less likely to be involved with the children when they arrive home (Tucker, 2005).  In addition, to the benefits of the relationship with the child, when a father stays at home research showed that both labor and child care were more evenly distributed. Many of the fathers cooked, dressed/feed the children, and continued with the upkeep of the house and yard, a role more commonly associated with mothers (Tucker, 2005).

It does not seem uncommon to see the traditional family roles changing, Professor Frank said it best when he stated that “A new family structure is emerging, one in which the at-home father provides a strong but caring influence, and a mother continues to play a critical role in the child’s development. She continues to exhibit nurturing ability, and in addition brings new experiences related to working outside the home. The at-home-dad family model may serve as the catalyst that moves society beyond some gender-role stereotypes and may play a role in the future of the family as an institution (Tucker, 2005).”  I find it refreshing that a father would like to stay home to take care of their children. This helps them create a great relationship and become more involved in their child’s life.

-Laura

Tucker, Patrick (2005). Stay-at-Home Dads: At-home dads can benefit children and mother. Futurist, 39 (5),  12-13.