Reader Question Response: Jealousy Among Siblings

Queston: How can a mother of three children (one is a newborn) deal with jealousy of the other kids? Particularly the middle one who is lashing out by biting?

Gemma had been the only child in her family for three years.  She loved her mommy and daddy and always loved spending time with them.  They would take her the Disney Land and Sea World on the weekends, and play in parks and at home on the weekdays.  One day Gemma’s parents took her to dinner at her favorite restaurant the Olive Garden. There, they told her that mommy was going to have another baby!  And the baby was going to be a girl!  Gemma was so excited to be a big sister.  The months leading up to when the baby was to be born were exciting. Gemma got to help mom decorate the baby’s new room and pick out new clothes for her.   When the time came for baby Mia to be born Gemma was so excited!  She had to go to her Grandparent’s house while her parents were at the hospital, but she couldn’t wait until it was her turn to see her.  The next morning she got to go and see baby Mia and hold her.  The next month was a lot different than what Gemma was expecting, with Mia crying at night and her mom’s attention more on the baby than Mia than herself.  Though she still liked Mia it was hard and she just wanted her old life back.  About a year later Gemma’s parents told her that she would be moving to a new state for her dad’s work.  After they moved Gemma started to become sad, she was in a new preschool trying to make new friends and her mom and dad were busy with work.  Mia had just started to walk and always wanted the toys Gemma wanted.  Gemma started to become angry with Mia and felt like she was the cause for everything.  She would often push Mia down, to make her cry. 

                Gemma’s parents were confused by her violent nature towards her younger sister; they wanted their kind sweet Gemma back. Fortunately for Gemma’s parents, Gemma isn’t the first and only child to have these jealousy emotions. Jealousy is a common emotion for children (Miller, L, Volling, & MEwain, 2000).  How do children become jealous? Children become jealous when they see their parent or caregiver giving their attention to another child other than themselves for extended amounts of time (Miller, L, Volling, & MEwain, 2000).  Gemma became jealous of her sister because there wasn’t enough attention given to her to make her feel validated and wanted (Thompson & Haberstadt, 2008), so she lashed out on the person who was getting that attention.  Gemma’s parents were distressed by her actions, but by giving Gemma the positive attention that she needed she became more loving and open to her sister Mia.  Gemma’s mom would take her on mommy daughter dates, with just the two of them, and she made an effort to give Gemma some special attention at home.  They started to see a change in Gemma over time, she would include Mia in her play and eventually there were no problems with Gemma being jealous.  Gemma’s parents made an effort to help her feel loved and validated, which helped Gemma realize that they still loved her too.

Works Cited

Miller, L, A., Volling, B. L., & MEwain. (2000). Sibling Jealousy in a Triadic Context with mothers and Fathers. Social Development , 433-457.

Thompson, J. A., & Haberstadt, A. G. (2008). Children's Accounts of Sibling Jealousy and Their Implicit Theories about Relationships. Social Development , 17 (3), p 488-511.

Chronicles of a Babywise Mom: Blog Review

I really enjoyed reviewing this blog because it was very informative. This blog is a positive place for parents to visit and find answers to their questions about Babywise. The overall layout of this blog is based on Babywise, a book about raising an infant, this book also presents an infant care program that will cause babies to sleep through the night beginning between seven and nine weeks of age. The overall layout of the blog was very organized and easy to navigate. I did find the content of the blog to be overwhelming at times because of all the information available. I also like how at the end of each post the author recommended other places to visit. My review of this blog includes: if the author met the needs of the audience, if research was aligned with the blog, the applicability of the blog, and the quality of the writing.

1.    The blogs author meets the needs of her audience. The author will publish posts on reader’s request or will answer questions within 2 weeks of being submitted. The author also has a section for reader’s comments or questions. The author does a great job keeping up with the questions and answering them.  

2.        I did not find a lot of research in this blog. It lacked scientific evidence and citations. However, what I found abundant in this blog was the author’s opinions, readers’ opinions, and their life experiences. I also noticed that the author made references to the Babywise book, other parenting books, and related blogs.

3.       The content in the blog is very applicable. New parents can relate to the content of the post and I found a lot of the information provided to be very helpful. The blog gives great advice to parents of a newborn about feeding times and sleeping times.

4.        Overall the writing in this blog is good quality because it is easy to understand. The writer of this blog has a lot of experience that adds to the quality of the writing. Since the author is likable it made me more inclined to actually try some of the things suggested in her blog.

In conclusion, this blog can be very helpful for parents who follow the Babywise theory. I found that this blog targets those parents the most. However, I think those who are unfamiliar with the Babywise theory can also learn a lot from this blog. Initially, I was unfamiliar with Babywise but after reviewing this blog and reading all the wonderful things about Babywise I decided to try it out.  

-Liz

Reference:

Plowman, V. (2007). Chronicles of a babywise mom. Retrieved from http://www.babywisemom.com/

Reader Question: Bedsharing

Reader Question: How do you feel about infants sleeping in the same bed as their mother? What does the research say? Can this practice be dangerous?

This is a great question from Teresa and I too have wondered the same thing. When an infant sleeps with their parent or parents this is referred to as bedsharing or even cosleeping. The definition of cosleeping can differ. Some refer to it as sleeping in the same bed and others refer to it when the infant is in the same room but not sleeping in the same bed i.e. they would be in a bassinet next to their parent’s bed. For this blog, I am just going to refer to this practice as bedsharing so we are not confused.  I had a neighbor that would sleep in the same bed with her infants. She was from an Asian country and she said that it was tradition for the babies to sleep in the same bed. In fact, Asia has some of the lowest SIDS deaths in the world (Mckenna and Voyle, 2002). I also have known other people who have shared their bed with infants for generations and never had a problem (well one had a hard time getting her little boy to sleep in his own bed when he got older). On the other hand,  I have also heard of parents who have slept with their newborn and they rolled over and squished them, I am not sure if that was true of not but after hearing about that it scared me. I wanted to see what the research said about this practice in order to answer the question correctly.

According to studies there are different reasons why infants sleep in the same bed as their mothers. Many mothers breastfeed and like the convenience of being able to do so on command; therefore they have their baby sleep in their bed (Senter et. al, 2011). According to a recent research study on SIDS, researchers estimated that of the 88 SIDS cases they studied 66% were bedsharing at the time of death (Senter et. al, 2011). Senter also stated that most studies report the risk of death significantly higher for bedsharing infants compared to those sleeping in cribs. “Bedsharing itself can pose a serious risk due to the potential for overlay of the infant by the bedsharer or wedging of the infant between the wall and bed (Senter et. al, 2011).” It is best for the baby to sleep in their own crib. However, in some cases due to income, parents do not have a place to put their newborn, therefore, they end up sharing their bed (McKenna et and Volpe, 2007). In 2007, NYC adapted The Cribs for Kids national program to help prevent sleep-related deaths. In addition they provide safe sleep education and a safe crib to low income families. Since the program rolled out there has been 3,148 cribs distributed to those families in need. Further studies are being conducted to collect data on this prevention measure. (Senter et. al, 2011).  

SIDS is not the only reason to be concerned with bedsharing. According to Dr. Calvin A. Colarusso, as the infant learns to crawl, walk, and talk, they move away from their patents both physically and psychologically (Stein et. al, 2001). As they become toddlers they start to develop a sense of self that is distinct from their mothers or fathers. Colarusso continues by stating “bedsharing, particularly when it continues into the second year of life and beyond, impedes the development of this necessary movement toward autonomy and independence and encourages an unhealthy, exaggerated dependence on mother and father (Stein et. al, 2001).” Alternatively, Dr. James McKenna feels that when practiced SAFELY and by choice, mothers and infants sleeping side by side is potentially ideal for promoting breastfeeding and healthy social relationships among family members. McKenna states that infants need to respond to a mother’s night time smell, touch, sound and movements and bedsharing is alright when done properly (Stein et. al, 2001). After reading the research, it appears there are pros and cons. I could probably write ten more posts on this issue because it is very debatable. However, because I am such a cautious person, and I feel the negative outweighs the positive aspects, I personally would think twice before bedsharing with my infant.   

-Laura

McKenna, J.J., & Volpe, L.E. (2007). Sleeping with baby: an internet-based sampling of parental experiences, choices, perceptions, and interpretations in a western industrialized context. Infant and Child Development, 16 (4), 359-385.

Senter, Lindsay, Sackoff, Judith, Landi, Kristen, & Boyd, Lorraine (2011). Studying Sudden and Unexpected Infant Deaths in a time of Changing Death Certification and Investigation Practices: Evaluating Sleep-Related Risk Factors for Infant Death in New York City. Maternal and Child Health Journal, 15(2), 242-248.

Stein, Martin T., Calarusso, Calvin A., McKenna, James J., &  Powers, Nancy G. (2001). Cosleeping (Bedsharing) Among Infants and Toddlers. Pediatrics, 107(4), 873-877.

Working Mothers and Stress

It was Mary's dream to be able to stay home with her baby, but when her husband lost his job, it was decided that she should go back to teaching. She cried and cried. Her husband could not understand her prolonged stress and bouts of depression and it stressed him.

The grandmother quit her part time job to  help take care of the baby, and drive the baby to the mother during the mother's work breaks and lunch. The grandmother learned that elementary school teachers have few breaks. Teachers are expected to be available for recess duty and on cold days, indoor recess.

Was Mary's experience unusual? A study of 700 working mothers of infants found that any protective qualities of work, such as positive perceptions of health and improved physical functioning, were reduced for mothers of young children. These mothers had greater conflicts between work and family than mothers of older children (Marshall & Tracy, 2009, p. 380)

Another study showed that mothers of infants were more likely to have maternal work stress, negative work-family spillover, and depressive symptoms (Goodman & Crouter, 2009, p 245). This led to poorer outcomes for the infant. Both studies recommend public policies that help mothers to be home with their children at tender young ages because of evidence of the long term negative effects of prolonged separation of young children from their mothers. This perhaps could be because it violates the principles of attachment theory, which have been robustly confirmed with numerous studies that infants need to establish a connection with a primary caregiver.

Mothers who need to go to work should work to find solutions, including going to their teachers' or company's unions to demand breaks throughout their workday, so that they can use a breast pump and/or visits from their baby to maintain their milk supply. Such measures could help reduce the grief, stress and depression that new mothers can feel when they must go back to work.

References

Goodman, W. B. & Crouter, A. C. (2009). Longitudinal Associations between maternal work stress, 

         negative work-family spillover, and depressive symptoms. Family Relations: Interdisciplinary 

        Journal of Applied Family Studies: July 2009, volume 58, number 3.

Marshall, N. L. & Tracy, A.L. (2009). After the baby: Work-family conflict and working mothers'     

         psychological health. Family Relations: Interdisciplinary Journal of Applied Family Studies:

         October 2009, volume 58, number 4.

Oxford study on breastfeeding

If you are wavering on whether or not to breastfeed your baby, here is one more quick pitch. A meta-analysis done by Oxford University and Essex University showed that breastfeeding improved school performance across English, maths and science scores, and persisted into secondary school. "Indeed, there is some evidence that the effect tends to grow over time" (Oxford, 2011). The study compared test scores of children who as babies had been "matched on a huge range of characteristics, including: their sex, gestational age, birth weight, their mother’s age and marital status, parents’ job status and education, and their home environment" (Oxford & Essex, 2011).

University of Oxford. (March 14, 2011). Study: Breastfed children do better at school.
     Retrieved March 8, 2012 at http://www.ox.ac.uk/media/news_stories/2011/111403.html

Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding can be quite daunting at times, but I’m here to help you put your fears aside and become aware of the amazing effects it has on your child throughout their whole life!

The First Weeks of Breastfeeding

All you need is breast milk to feed your baby!

·          

• Breastfeeding should begin as soon as possible after birth (usually within the first hour)

•  Use breastfeeding as the sole source of nutrition for your baby (for about 6 months) (Steven P. Shelov & Tanya Remer Altmann, 2009)

•  Breast feed your baby at least 8 to 12 times each day (1 ½ to 3 hours)

•  Breastfeed your baby whenever they seem hungry, not on a set schedule (Baydar, McCann, Williams, & Vesper, 1997)

• The length of time varies in the first few weeks of nursing, it could be a couple minutes or 45 minutes (Steven P. Shelov & Tanya Remer Altmann, 2009)

Benefits of Breastfeeding

There are many benefits of breastfeeding, I’ll cover only a few and add links were you are able to read valid websites that will help inform you more.  In no particular order:

·          

• Breastfeeding compared to bottle/formula feeding helps improve a higher cognitive development in babies (especially in pre-termed babies) (Quiqley, Hockley, Carson, Kelly, Renfrew, & Sacker, 2012)

• There are far greater amount of nutrients that your child is getting from the breast milk in comparison to formula (Heslett, Hedberg, & Rumble, 2007)

• The following is a video and article ABC new did about breast feeding:

 http://www.abc4.com/content/news/top_stories/story/New-health-benefits-of-breastfeeding-discovered/_FmqKEHTTEuzF8t07SRcOw.cspx

Don’t Give Up!

 According to a study about childcare and breast feeding, there is a reduced likely hood that mothers will breastfeed their child when the child starts going to childcare (Pearce, Li, Abbas, Ferguson, Graham, & Law, 2012).  Here are some simple tips for mothers who have children in childcare or working mothers: 

•  Invest in a breast pump, and start pumping the excess milk that your child doesn’t eat; send that breast milk with the child when they go to their care facility

• If possible, take breaks from work to come and feed your baby

• For working mothers, during your lunch break, have someone bring your baby to you

• Or if none of these work only have your child drink formula while they are in childcare and when you have your baby feed them breast milk

Additional Website References

I believe that it is exceptionally important to have more resources than one.  Below are web-based sites to give you more information on the art of breastfeeding.  Look through them, it’s always fun to see that not only are you making the right choice in breastfeeding your child but you are not alone and there are resources to help you in addition to this one.

• This is a website is published by pediatricians, and has a wide variety of information not only for breast feeding in helping raise your child http://www.healthychildren.org/English/Pages/default.aspx

• This is a fantastic resource.  Breastfeeding Today Magazine: Follow this link and you'll be able to access all of their issues http://www.llli.org/breastfeedingtoday

• This link talks about why breastfeeding is a public health issue and not just a lifestyle choice
  http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2012/02/22/peds.2011-3552

• Info about la leche league meetings here in Utah (La Leche League is a group that supports breastfeeding moms) http://www.lllusa.org/UT/Utah.html

• You'll find a lot of great links here on a few of La Leche League's Salt Lake City facebook page
  http://www.facebook.com/pages/La-Leche-League-of-Salt-Lake-City/316634971605

Just remember, you are your child’s hero for breastfeeding!

 

Works Cited

Baydar, N., McCann, M., Williams, R., & Vesper, E. (1997). Final Report: WIC Infant Feeding Practices Study. Seattle: Centers for Public Health Research and Evaluation.

Heslett, C., Hedberg, S., & Rumble, H. (2007). Did you ever wonder what's in... Breast Milk and Formula. BC, Canada: Douglas College, New Westminster.

Pearce, A., Li, L., Abbas, J., Ferguson, B., Graham, H., & Law, C. (2012). Childcare use and inequalities in breastfeeding: findings from the UK Millennium Cohort Study. Archives of Disease In Childhood [Arch Dis Child] , 97, 39-42.

Quiqley, M., Hockley, C., Carson, C., Kelly, Y., Renfrew, M., & Sacker, A. (2012). Breastfeeding is associated with improved child cognitive development: a population-based cohort study. The Journal of Pediatrics , 160, 25-32.

Steven P. Shelov, M. M.-I.-C., & Tanya Remer Altmann, M. F. (2009). The Complete and Authoritative Guide, Caring For Your Baby and Young Child, Birth to Age 5. USA: Bantam Book.

Five Normal Feelings for a New Mom

Before the arrival of your baby, you attend baby showers, pick out the perfect name, create an adorable nursery and find the exact outfit you want to bring your baby home in. You have also spent the last nine months in love with your baby, picturing how things are going to be and by the time your baby is born you feel like you already know him/her. You have so much joy and love for the baby that when you start feeling something different you might feel like an imperfect mother. Well relax, it is common to have some fearful type feelings. In fact, the other day I was watching a local lifestyle TV program and they had Dr. Margit Lister, an ob/gyn, on discussing five normal feelings a new mom has after giving birth. I found this to be interesting and thought I would share it with you.

The first feeling that she mentions is fear. Dr. Lister said it is very common for new parents to feel fear. This is a new experience and the unknown can bring fear to people. She said that many new moms have a fear of being unsuccessful at breastfeeding, fear of bringing the baby home for the first time and even fear of injury.

The second normal feeling is that of uncertainty. Many women feel uncertain about serious things such as “why is my baby crying so much.” Lister stated “The trick with the uncertainty is to keep it in check. It is okay to think these things but let your brain keep your heart from making your decisions.”

Frustration is the third normal feeling a new mom may have after giving birth. You start out with all of the normal stress one has in life and add to it a new baby, one can start feeling frustrated. Lister claims that sleep deprivation is a huge part in feeling frustrated. It can be especially difficult if you are a single mom or when your spouse goes back to work.

The fourth normal feeling is guilt. Lister said that many mothers may start feeling guilt because they feel like they are not organized and that they are the only new mother that “can’t get it together.”

Depression is the last feeling that was discussed. According to Lister, feelings of depression could even make it so you want to stop being with your baby. Other signs of depression are constantly crying, not wanting to get out of bed, losing interest in things you usually like to do and even having depression so bad that you regret having your baby. 

Now that we know what the common feelings are, how do we overcome them? Dr. Lister suggests the following:

Get Help-When you start feeling frustrated with everything, ask for help. Don’t be shy to ask for assistance and be specific on what you would like help with. If you feel that you need help with household chores or watching the baby than don’t be afraid to ask someone to help you. You need time to yourself.

Exercise-Get outside and talk a walk with you baby, both the exercise and sunshine is good for you. In addition, exercise helps relieve stress.

Sleep-You need as much sleep as possible. If you are breastfeeding, have your spouse bring the baby to you and then have them soothe the baby back to sleep. Work together as a team.

Talk- talk to someone that you trust. Don’t be afraid to discuss your fear, anxiety, and concerns. Speak with a health professional or counselor if you feel like things are getting out of control.

Hopefully, if you are feeling these emotions you can use the above tips to help you overcome them.

-Laura

KSL, (2012, February 24). Studio Five [Television broadcast]. Salt Lake City, UT: KSL Broadcasting.