How can a mother of three children (one is a newborn) deal with jealousy of the other kids? Particularly the middle one who is lashing out by biting?Crystal
How do you feel about the practice of letting your child cry themselves to sleep? What does research show is the best way to get your child to fall sleep on their own?
Thank you for your question, Tami! There is research for both sides of the argument and I believe it is a personal choice each parent needs to make when deciding what is best for their child. However, I did discuss each side a little bit as well as my personal opinion in a recent post: "Crying-it-Out": Harmful or Beneficial?
How do you feel about infants sleeping in the same bed as their mother? What does the research say? Can this practice be dangerous?
From Cheryl R:I recommend it! I recommend it both from a personal point of view, and from a large body of research that conflicts with recent reports that have alarmed many new parents about co-sleeping.With my first child, I was terrified to sleep with her because I had heard horror stories of mothers rolling on their infants, so I tried sleeping separately. When my baby cried, I would rouse myself from delicious sleep to get her. It was so cold outside my cozy blankets, and when I picked up my baby, her body temperature seemed to fluctuate so much that I could not decide how to dress or cover her. When I nursed her in a chair, feeling chilled and nauseous from weariness,I was afraid I would fall asleep and drop her to the floor. When she finally fell asleep, she would wake up when I tried to lay her down, especially after the first week. I can see why exhausted mothers decide to let their infants “Cry It Out”. My husband came from a large family that believed in the “family bed”. The term disgusted me, but I didn't want to leave my baby to cry, and I was desperate. My husband recommended that I call his sister who was an expert on the subject. She is a very intelligent women, and I respected her and her children very much, so I decided to call her, but I still had strong reservations.I told her of my fear of rolling on my baby, and she said if I lay my baby on my armpit and slept on my side, I would not roll on her. I tried it while I was awake, and it seem unlikely that I would roll on her, so I decided to try it. As a newborn, she was so light I was not uncomfortable. It was a blissful change for us! When our baby began to wake, I could stay half asleep, and comfort or nurse her in a warm comfortable position. She and I maintained a comfortable temperature. Her sleep patterns became more regular and matched mine. This matches the research for co-sleeping that says that infants are less likely to have Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) because the mother's breathing helps regulate the infant's breathing and other bodily functions (Diamond, fall 2011). A website, www.askdrsears.com, written by a family doctors, has a page that talks about co-sleeping, http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/faqs-about-sleep-problems/safe-co-sleeping-research, that agrees that SIDS happens more when children sleep alone. SIDS used to be called crib death http://www.thefreedictionary.com/crib+death.It turns out there is a lot of controversy over the subject of co-sleeping. The U. S. Consumer Products Safety Commission (CPSC) did a study that concluded that co-sleeping increased the risk of SIDS, and this study is widely quoted. This is why there is such a recent scare over co-sleeping. Several medical practitioners and researchers disagree with the conclusions of this “study”and contend that the validity of this research is weak. In his book “The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family”, Dr Sears says that the CPSC research does not follow research protocol, and does not coincide with many other studies, including those in other countries, that show co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS. For more analysis, please read my book review of this book posted on this website, especially paragraphs 5 & 6 of the review. If you worry about co-sleeping, there are still ways to be near your baby. At www.askdrsears.com , type co-sleeping in the search box. It shows a cute little bed that attaches securely and safely to the side of the adults bed, for those who don't feel secure with co-sleeping. Diamond, L. M. (Fall, 2011). Psy 2800, Psychology of Love, University of Utah.Sears, W., Sears, R., Sears, J., Sears, M. (2005). The baby sleep book: The complete guide to a good night's rest for the whole family (Sears parenting library). New York: NY: Little, Brown and Company, Hachette Book Group. Available in paperback and eBook Edition.
Sophie, I really liked your post about getting back to intimacy after having kids, but I was wondering if the same things apply if my girlfriend and I are just living together and aren't married. Should we even start having kids at all? What is the research on cohabitating couples?