I believe strongly in Attachment Theory as taught by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth who built upon his theory by conducting what is strangely called "The Strange Situation" because young children were put in a strange situation by the mother leaving and the researchers would watch the infants reaction WHEN THE PARENT/Caregiver RETURNED. If they cried but were comforted by their caregiver's return and would go off and play, they were secure; if they cried but could not be comforted by the caregiver but instead clung to the mother and wouldn't go play, they were anxiously attached; if they didn't cry and barely seemed to notice when their caregiver left or returned, they were avoidantly attached. For my video post on the subject,go to
http://youtu.be/9VuBjNUHc7A
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Reader Response; Infant sharing same bed as mother
Up All NightApr 7, 2012 10:59 PM
From Cheryl R:
I recommend it! I recommend it both from a personal point of view, and then from a large body of research that conflicts with recent reports that have alarmed many new parents about co-sleeping.
My Story
With my first child, I was terrified to sleep with her because I had heard horror stories of mothers rolling on their infants, so I tried sleeping separately. When my baby cried, I would rouse myself from delicious sleep to get her. It was so cold outside my cozy blankets, and when I picked up my baby, her body temperature seemed to fluctuate so much that I could not decide how to dress or cover her. When I nursed her in a chair, feeling chilled and nauseous from weariness,I was afraid I would fall asleep and drop her to the floor. When she finally fell asleep, she would wake up when I tried to lay her down, especially after the first week. I can see why exhausted mothers decide to let their infants “Cry It Out”.
My husband came from a large family that believed in the “family bed”. I certainly didn't want a "family bed", but I didn't want to leave the baby to cry nor keep getting up. I was desperate. My husband recommended that I call his sister who was an expert on the subject. She is a very intelligent woman, and I respected her and her children very much, so I decided to call her, but I still had strong reservations. I told her of my fear of rolling on my baby, and she said if I lay my baby on my upper arm, I would not roll on her. I tried it while I was awake, and it seem unlikely that I would roll on her, so I decided to try it. She was so light that it was not uncomfortable for me. It was a blissful change for us! When our baby began to wake, I could stay half asleep, and comfort or nurse her in a warm comfortable position. She and I maintained a comfortable temperature. Her sleep patterns became more regular and matched mine. As she got older, I was able to adjust to what was comfortable for our family, the I have never regretted the decision as I believe it made a major difference in my health and the relationship with our children, all without taking extra time!
The Research
It turns out there is a lot of controversy over the subject of co-sleeping. The U. S. Consumer Products Safety Commission (CPSC) did a study that concluded that co-sleeping increased the risk of SIDS, and this study is widely quoted. This is why there is such a recent scare over co-sleeping. Several medical practitioners and researchers disagree with the conclusions of this “study”and contend that the validity of this research is weak. In his book “The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family”, Dr Sears says that the CPSC research does not follow research protocol, and does not coincide with many other studies, including those in other countries, that show co-sleeping reduces the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). For more analysis, please read my book review of this book posted on this website, especially paragraphs 5 & 6 of the review.
In a class at the University of Utah, I was also taught that the research shows that co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS because the mother's breathing helps regulate the infant's breathing and other bodily functions (Diamond, fall 2011). This certainly matches my personal experience, that co-sleeping is more safe and natural and is the preferred sleeping pattern around the world. A website, www.askdrsears.com, written by a family of doctors, has a page that talks about co-sleeping. Dr Sears said that the risk of SIDS increases when infants sleep alone because their bodies have trouble regulating on their own. SIDS has often been called crib death because these infants were found dead in their cribs (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/crib+death).
Further Recommendations
If you still worry about co-sleeping, there are still ways to be near your baby. At www.askdrsears.com type co-sleeping in the search box. As you scroll to the bottom of that webpage, it shows a cute little bed that attaches securely and safely to the side of the adults bed, for those who don't feel secure with co-sleeping. It gives a link to the website that sells these within arms reach "cribs".
Diamond, L. M. (Fall, 2011). Psy 2800, Psychology of Love, University of Utah.
Sears, W., Sears, R., Sears, J., Sears, M. (2005). The baby sleep book: The
complete guide to a good night's rest for the whole family (Sears parenting
library). New York: NY: Little, Brown and Company, Hachette Book Group.
Available in paperback and eBook Edition.
I recommend it! I recommend it both from a personal point of view, and then from a large body of research that conflicts with recent reports that have alarmed many new parents about co-sleeping.
My Story
With my first child, I was terrified to sleep with her because I had heard horror stories of mothers rolling on their infants, so I tried sleeping separately. When my baby cried, I would rouse myself from delicious sleep to get her. It was so cold outside my cozy blankets, and when I picked up my baby, her body temperature seemed to fluctuate so much that I could not decide how to dress or cover her. When I nursed her in a chair, feeling chilled and nauseous from weariness,I was afraid I would fall asleep and drop her to the floor. When she finally fell asleep, she would wake up when I tried to lay her down, especially after the first week. I can see why exhausted mothers decide to let their infants “Cry It Out”.
My husband came from a large family that believed in the “family bed”. I certainly didn't want a "family bed", but I didn't want to leave the baby to cry nor keep getting up. I was desperate. My husband recommended that I call his sister who was an expert on the subject. She is a very intelligent woman, and I respected her and her children very much, so I decided to call her, but I still had strong reservations. I told her of my fear of rolling on my baby, and she said if I lay my baby on my upper arm, I would not roll on her. I tried it while I was awake, and it seem unlikely that I would roll on her, so I decided to try it. She was so light that it was not uncomfortable for me. It was a blissful change for us! When our baby began to wake, I could stay half asleep, and comfort or nurse her in a warm comfortable position. She and I maintained a comfortable temperature. Her sleep patterns became more regular and matched mine. As she got older, I was able to adjust to what was comfortable for our family, the I have never regretted the decision as I believe it made a major difference in my health and the relationship with our children, all without taking extra time!
The Research
It turns out there is a lot of controversy over the subject of co-sleeping. The U. S. Consumer Products Safety Commission (CPSC) did a study that concluded that co-sleeping increased the risk of SIDS, and this study is widely quoted. This is why there is such a recent scare over co-sleeping. Several medical practitioners and researchers disagree with the conclusions of this “study”and contend that the validity of this research is weak. In his book “The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family”, Dr Sears says that the CPSC research does not follow research protocol, and does not coincide with many other studies, including those in other countries, that show co-sleeping reduces the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). For more analysis, please read my book review of this book posted on this website, especially paragraphs 5 & 6 of the review.
In a class at the University of Utah, I was also taught that the research shows that co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS because the mother's breathing helps regulate the infant's breathing and other bodily functions (Diamond, fall 2011). This certainly matches my personal experience, that co-sleeping is more safe and natural and is the preferred sleeping pattern around the world. A website, www.askdrsears.com, written by a family of doctors, has a page that talks about co-sleeping. Dr Sears said that the risk of SIDS increases when infants sleep alone because their bodies have trouble regulating on their own. SIDS has often been called crib death because these infants were found dead in their cribs (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/crib+death).
Further Recommendations
If you still worry about co-sleeping, there are still ways to be near your baby. At www.askdrsears.com type co-sleeping in the search box. As you scroll to the bottom of that webpage, it shows a cute little bed that attaches securely and safely to the side of the adults bed, for those who don't feel secure with co-sleeping. It gives a link to the website that sells these within arms reach "cribs".
Diamond, L. M. (Fall, 2011). Psy 2800, Psychology of Love, University of Utah.
Sears, W., Sears, R., Sears, J., Sears, M. (2005). The baby sleep book: The
complete guide to a good night's rest for the whole family (Sears parenting
library). New York: NY: Little, Brown and Company, Hachette Book Group.
Available in paperback and eBook Edition.
Blog Recommend Alert!
Planning Family Blog
If you still have questions unanswered then this blog is perfect for you! It has been around for a long while and has extensive posts that will be helpful for you and your family. At http://www.planningfamily.com/ they have information on Preconception, Pregnancy, Newborn, Baby, Toddler, Parents, and even Free Baby Stuff! I will answer a couple questions you may have about this site and then I urge you to check it out for yourself!
First: “Is this blog good for me, as a new parent?”
Yes! In skawering through this blog I’ve found that it is perfect for the needs of our own audience of new parents. In their section labeled “NEWBORN” they have articles and videos of what you might need to know with having a newborn baby such as: Bringing your baby home, Feeding, Newborn Care, Depression, Circumcision, Baby Blues and Postpartum, Premature Babies. They also have sections on quizzes, recipes, checklists, and tools (example: Birth Announcements, Breastfeeding and Diaper Changing Log, ect.) Come and look through on your own: http://www.planningfamily.com/newborn/
Second: “Is what I’m reading reliable?”
Reliable information is hard to come by on internet sometimes! This is why we, UpAllNight, started our blog. We’ve worked hard in providing reliable information from reliable sources. With that said, it is still important for you, as a reader, to always double check your answers. Since anyone can post things on the internet what you need to do is check if their article has “references” at the bottom of it. References show you where the author got their information. If the article doesn’t have references, don’t be distraught! Just double check the information with your local pediatrician, with a quick call. Planning Family has many great articles, but if you have a question about what you’re reading don’t be afraid to double check your information.
Remember: Planning Family offers general information and is for educational purposes only. This information is not a substitute for professional medical, psychiatric or psychological advice. Nothing on this website should be taken to imply an endorsement of Planning Family or its partners by any person quoted or mentioned.
Third: “Will I be able to apply what Planning Family in my own life?”
Lucky for you, this blog has hundreds and hundreds of articles! Since this blog was made to educate their reader, it not hard to find what you are looking for. You may go looking for one specific question and come out with an answer to that question along with other ideas that you hadn’t thought of before.
Fourth: “Is it an easy read?”
Everybody likes easy reads, don’t they? The nice thing about this website is it gives you the information, without you needing to go hunting for it. For example, if you have a question on feeding your newborn you go to the section on “feeding” and click on the article that best describes your question. There isn’t a lot of “fluff” so they give you the information without you needing to hunt for it.
Last question: “What do you think about this blog, Chelsey?”
I’ve loved exploring this blog! It has A LOT of information, which is very comforting to you as a reader. I’ve loved how well established this blog and updated the information provided is. I would recommend it to anyone! But REMEMBER, check your resources and call your pediatrician if you have any questions and as always, don’t settle on one article or blog to answer your questions!
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Reader Question Response: Jealousy Among Siblings
Queston: How can a mother of three children (one is a newborn) deal with jealousy of the other kids? Particularly the middle one who is lashing out by biting?
Gemma had been the only child in her family for three years. She loved her mommy and daddy and always loved spending time with them. They would take her the Disney Land and Sea World on the weekends, and play in parks and at home on the weekdays. One day Gemma’s parents took her to dinner at her favorite restaurant the Olive Garden. There, they told her that mommy was going to have another baby! And the baby was going to be a girl! Gemma was so excited to be a big sister. The months leading up to when the baby was to be born were exciting. Gemma got to help mom decorate the baby’s new room and pick out new clothes for her. When the time came for baby Mia to be born Gemma was so excited! She had to go to her Grandparent’s house while her parents were at the hospital, but she couldn’t wait until it was her turn to see her. The next morning she got to go and see baby Mia and hold her. The next month was a lot different than what Gemma was expecting, with Mia crying at night and her mom’s attention more on the baby than Mia than herself. Though she still liked Mia it was hard and she just wanted her old life back. About a year later Gemma’s parents told her that she would be moving to a new state for her dad’s work. After they moved Gemma started to become sad, she was in a new preschool trying to make new friends and her mom and dad were busy with work. Mia had just started to walk and always wanted the toys Gemma wanted. Gemma started to become angry with Mia and felt like she was the cause for everything. She would often push Mia down, to make her cry.
Gemma’s parents were confused by her violent nature towards her younger sister; they wanted their kind sweet Gemma back. Fortunately for Gemma’s parents, Gemma isn’t the first and only child to have these jealousy emotions. Jealousy is a common emotion for children (Miller, L, Volling, & MEwain, 2000) . How do children become jealous? Children become jealous when they see their parent or caregiver giving their attention to another child other than themselves for extended amounts of time (Miller, L, Volling, & MEwain, 2000) . Gemma became jealous of her sister because there wasn’t enough attention given to her to make her feel validated and wanted (Thompson & Haberstadt, 2008) , so she lashed out on the person who was getting that attention. Gemma’s parents were distressed by her actions, but by giving Gemma the positive attention that she needed she became more loving and open to her sister Mia. Gemma’s mom would take her on mommy daughter dates, with just the two of them, and she made an effort to give Gemma some special attention at home. They started to see a change in Gemma over time, she would include Mia in her play and eventually there were no problems with Gemma being jealous. Gemma’s parents made an effort to help her feel loved and validated, which helped Gemma realize that they still loved her too.
Works Cited
Miller, L, A., Volling, B. L., & MEwain. (2000). Sibling Jealousy in a Triadic Context with mothers and Fathers. Social Development , 433-457.
Thompson, J. A., & Haberstadt, A. G. (2008). Children's Accounts of Sibling Jealousy and Their Implicit Theories about Relationships. Social Development , 17 (3), p 488-511.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Getting Back to Intimacy
Let’s face it, being a parent is hard work. Rewarding yes, but that doesn’t make the sleepless nights and constant diligence any less difficult to handle. Baby responsibilities aside, being a new parent can also be quite stressful on a marriage as well. Your relationship is never the same after a new baby comes and many couples complain that their marriages suffer after a new baby comes into the picture. Research even shows that the transition into parenthood is one of the largest stressors on a marriage (Neff 2011) and as such it’s important to have the necessary skills to keep intimacy alive even after a baby enters the scene. Here are a few tips you can implement into your own marriage to help you and your spouse stay close while trying to adjust to parenthood.
1. Have an idea about responsibilities even before the baby is born.
Take the time to talk about who will help with housework, midnight feedings, and meal plans before you’re faced with the issues. This will lead to a lot less conflict later.
2. Understand that parenting styles might be different.
Your partner might not always react to a situation the same way you would, but if they’re trying and what they’re doing seems to be working, don’t intervene. You need to give each other some credit and trust that you are both competent parents.
3. Step back and find the root of the problem.
Lack of sleep can make us all a little crazy, so before you snap at your partner for something trivial, try and step back from your anger and figure out what’s really bothering you. You might just be irritable. Try to remember that little things really aren’t worth fighting over.
4. Make time for each other.
Babies might seem like they can take up an entire day but it is so important to still take time out of your day to just be with your partner. Plan a date night sooner than later. Even sitting and talking with each other when your baby is finally sleeping will do wonders for your marriage. Remember that it’s also important to talk about things besides your baby. You’re allowed to have a life outside of being a parent.
5. Show affection for each other.
Give each other a quick kiss while passing in the hall, hug each other, and cuddle whenever you can. Sex can be a big issue at this point but it’s important to be patient with each other and communicate your feelings. A woman can typically have sex again 6 weeks after delivery but it can still be painful and exhausting. Take your time with foreplay, and don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t lead to sex. You’ll get back to a state that feels right and normal for you.
A happy marriage will lead to a happy baby so please don’t underestimate the importance of being there for each other as well as your baby. The two of you are in this together, so be honest, patient, and communicate as much as possible. A baby is a wonderful gift, and is a great addition to a family, just don’t forget to make time for each other as well.
-Sophia
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Gorilla Moms: What They Can Teach Us About Breastfeeding
Gorilla Mothers:
What They Can Teach Us About
Breastfeeding
In her popular book on breastfeeding, Janet Tamaro gives this account:
“At an Ohio zoo, a female gorilla lived by herself. It's hard to breed gorillas in captivity, but eventually this gorilla was courted, won over, and impregnated by a visiting male. When her baby was born, the gorilla did a terrible thing that mother gorillas do if they haven't been taught a particular skill. She killed her baby.“She killed the baby because she didn't know how to feed him. Gorillas will do one of three things after they give birth. Their first choice is to breastfeed. If they don't know how to breastfeed, the gorilla world gives them only two other options: let their offspring starve, or kill them...“When this gorilla became pregnant again, her keeper knew she needed help to avoid a repeat performance. Somehow, he had to teach her how to breastfeed her baby...But how?”...He called the La Leche League and each day a nursing mother came to the zoo and fed her baby in front of the gorilla...For days, the gorilla couldn't have been less interested. She fished fleas off her fur, scratched her behind, made faces. But as day after day went by, and new La Leche League mothers showed up with bare breasts and babies, the gorilla got more and more interested. Finally, when it was close to her due date, she had her nose pressed up against the bars of her cage to get a better look."But when her baby was born, she acted like a typical new mother. She'd forgotten all that she'd learned...She still didn't have a clue on how to hold the baby or how to get it to latch onto her breast. The baby was crying. The gorilla mother was obviously agitated...
"Her keeper feared for the infant...so he called the La Leche League again...Quickly, the League sent a mother out to the zoo. She stood in front of the bars and attached her baby step by step. She brought her baby's chest to her chest, slowly cradled the baby's head in her left arm, held her breast with her right hand, and tickled the baby's lips with the nipple to get the baby to open his mouth. Then she pulled the open-mouthed baby toward her breast and with one rapid arm motion, got the cooperative baby quickly onto her breast. The gorilla watched, mimicking the moves step by step until, with a nearly audible sigh of relief, the gorilla looked down at her chest and saw her baby feeding happily for the first time. When she had another baby, she didn't need any help from the La Leche League" (Tamaro, 1998, pp 37-38).
Knowledge is Power! It changes what
we do, how we think, and who we
are!
The Science
An article in the Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and Cultural Psychology, said a survey about great apes in captivity, showed “18% of all maternal infant care failures (i.e., death or human intervention) are the result of flawed or absent nursing” (Abello & Colell, 2006 as qtd by Volk, p 306).
Evolutionists say it may be that the human need for education is due to a “trade-off between the reliability of innate behaviors and the flexible power of a learning brain”, and that our “heightened intelligence... has greater learning requirements... and an increased reliance on learned behaviors such as maternal nursing” (Volk, 2009, p 306, 309).
The Social Factor
Primates and humans are altricial, that is, they are helpless at birth. They require greater parental investment, commitment, communication, and care for a longer period of time. Parents are able to pass on more knowledge and skills, which leads to a greater social support system, thereby increasing their progeny's chances of survival and learning. This social system became a necessary part of human nature and human civilization as humans became interdependent. Social support is essential to social beings. We need to ask for and accept help and education.
Asking for Help
References
Tamaro, J. (1998). So that's what they're for!. Holbrook, MA: Adams Media Corporation
Volk, A. A. (2009). “Human breastfeeding is not automatic: Why that's so and what it means for
human evolution”. Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and Cultural Psychology
www.jsecjournal.com - 2009, 3(4), pp. 305-314). Retrieved March 3, 2012 at
http://shell.newpaltz.edu/jsec/articles/volume3/issue4/VolkV3I4.pdf
.
Theory of Attachment
Have you ever wondered if you, as a parent, were doing anything of worth to your new born infant? Do you feel like all you do is nurse, change diapers, and put them to sleep? What if I told you that by doing these things for your infant not only takes care of their basic needs, but is a model for them in terms of relationships. What you are doing does count, and it is something that your infants will take with them through the rest of their lives.
Studies have shown that caregivers have an impact on their infant in the first year of the infant’s life through how responsive they are in caring for the infant’s needs. For example if the infant is hungry, their reaction to show that they are hungry is to cry and once that need is met they will quit crying. If the need is not met they will continue to cry. Those caregivers who respond promptly to their infant’s distress calls form, what I call, a positive attachment. The infant trusts that their needs will be met when they ask for it. Later in life these children grow up to have positive relationships as well. They care for others and trust people because their caregivers modeled this for them. This is the type of attachment that we all should be working on with our infants. The infant only cries when it has a need to be met whether they need a new diaper, food, holding time, or sleep. There is an opposite attachment as well which I like to call negative attachment.
A negative attachment is formed when the infant’s needs were met inconsistently enough that the child doesn’t trust or rely on the caregiver for support. What does it mean to meet the needs of an infant inconsistently? This means that when the child gave its cues that it was hungry or had a soiled (poopy) diaper and the caregiver didn’t fix the problem right away, so the child was left in their dilemma. These children became to learn that they couldn’t trust people to get their needs met, so when they were older they had dysfunctional relationships. They couldn’t trust others and which would lead to broken relationships, these types of people never let their “guard” down because they learned early on in life that people can’t be trusted.
Some people believe that if they quickly respond to their infant’s needs they are “spoiling” the child. Let me assure you, your infant in no way can be spoiled if you are respondent to their own cues (crying, sucking, ect.), but it needs to be on the child’s time. I am hopeful that this information was helpful to you, please let me know if you have any questions.
Crain, W. (2011). Theories of Development (Concepts and Applications) (6 ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.
Chelsey
Monday, February 13, 2012
Welcome To Our Blog
We are excited to start our blog. We hope to help new parents on their journey into parenthood. We will be covering a variety of topics with various contributors. Visit us often!
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